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Labor Day is one of those days that you think, man I could get a lot done today. But then you realize that everything you need to do is closed and everyone you need to talk to about getting something done is doing something far cooler than you. So, I figured I might as well pass on a few thoughts from the Porch.

Thought #1 – One sure fire way to get in trouble is to hang out with people who have the same name as types of liquor. What exactly happened between Shawne Merriman and Ms. Tequila is irrelevant, the bottom line is that Shawne should be punished for choosing his friends poorly. Seriously when is the last time someone got locked up while hanging with a nurse or librarian down at Starbucks? If I’m in the NFL, making bank, the weekend before the season starts I’m steering my social agenda clear of all sketchy ex MTV personalities. (yes this does include you Pauly Shore.) Apparently Ms. Tequila performed a citizen’s arrest on Merriman. So T went Barney Fife on him, I didn’t even know that was a real thing. With that said, I can’t wait to throw down a citizen’s arrest on my neighbor the next time I hear a 2am love song blasting through my wall.

Thought #2 – Nascar and Baseball need to get something straight, after August, we don’t really care that much about you. Pretty sure the highest rated baseball games in the past month have been the little league world series, and I have no idea about Nascar. I enjoy both the sports, but seriously once football starts on the college and pro level, I just don’t have room for it. Shorten the season, maximize your audience and end your season with the end of summer. Can you image how many more people would tune in for a labor day championship race or world series opposed to one in November? Granted Baseball doesn’t have as much of a luke warm feeling as Nascar does in the fall, but still, watching guys bundle up for the series doesn’t exactly mix with the whole idea of the “boys of summer.” Maybe baseball could make it till Sept. but really I can’t tell you the last time I tuned in to a race on a Sunday afternoon in the fall instead of watching any NFL game. Plus, how can a serious nascar fan really enjoy sitting at a race without a shirt on and pounded a bucket of fried chicken when its in the 50’s? I mean half the fun of the race is that sweet combination of getting greasy and sweaty at the same time, right?

Thought #3 – I wish a crowd cheered when I walked into rooms like they do when people enter the room on sit coms. That would be sweet. Oh and also add in there the ooooo whenever a kiss or something semi risque happens. That would really make my life better.

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